Growing Up Halo-Halo

I picked up this book as a way to hopefully bridge my understanding of  my mom’s Filipino upbringing and my relationship with Japanese culture.  I knew my mother always had mixed feelings about Japan. She would tell me about her friend who lives there, but then mention how she didn’t feel safe going there and wouldn’t go past the airport. She would listen to me talk about wanting to travel there, learning the language, how I love the food - and then also have disinterested, pensive responses.  After reading this book, I asked her about it.  She recalled stories from my own Lola, that have very much impacted her opinions as an adult.  Her mother (my Lola) and grandmother (my great grandmother) had locked themselves away for 3 days while the Japanese raided their home. Her mother was kept in a small cabinet in hopes to save her from the rape and torture that many families succumbed to. Thankfully they were left unfound, and the Japanese soldiers continued on - but...

I (finally) submitted my name change a few weeks ago. What I thought would be monumental, a sigh a relief, Instead came anger.  I walked back to my car, closed the door,  And lamented about how much I had spent.  In time, in effort, How much it took,  The paperwork, the organizing. How much it cost.  I felt  angry about the money. For the record, if you ever think about going through the legal name change process, it’s more money than you think. The notary, the fingerprints, the criminal record check, the government fee, the registry fee. It’s so much. Above that, I felt that my father had put me in the position, like I had to do it, then pay the price for it all. I don’t like the feeling of anger. “I sat with my anger long enough that it told me it’s real name was grief”. Grief over my father and the situation before me. Grief and anger holding hands, melding together and festering. Confused and angry over why I was even angry and grieving.  This was ...