Growing Up Halo-Halo

Halo Halo - Mix Mix One of my favorite desserts and beloved among Filipinos. I have known and eaten halo halo since childhood.  I would watch my Titas make it from scratch with a plastic crank ice machine and all the ingredients laid out on the table. I would always eat the ice cream and leche flan first - because I didn't like the beans inside (and still kinda don't).  I would watch how happy it made my mom while she ate it (even though her favorite dessert is, in fact, cassava cake). It would be so refreshing on those hot, humid Philippine days. Sobrang iinit.  And yet, never saw it as a metaphor to how I grew up. I am just now coming to this seemingly obvious realization that I was Halo Halo - a mix mix kid.  A lot of experiences and moving parts that shape this person who is now Kika.  It faintly came over me while reading Justine Ramos' collection of poetry by the same name, but I didn't have this concrete revelation until more recently. I really love how i...

The title is inspired by one of my favorite memoirs, Crying in H-Mart by Michelle Zauner. I find myself crying in places I least expect. Like in the middle of the garden centre. If I have to come to terms with anything in the last 30 years, one of them would be that time can be cruel. It does not wait for anything or anyone, and it certainly does not wait for you.  This past weekend was Mother's Day, and I particularly miss mine when I don't spend it with her. This year probably more than normal. We share the love of flowers. She called me weeping over the card I sent her, that I had filled with some heartfelt words. I kept it together for the whole 2 minute call, and as soon as we hung up, I also cried (whilst in Golden Acre garden centre). How humbling.  On the flip, Father's Day is approaching too, and I will be pushing it fiercely away. It's funny, lately when people ask me about my parents, my more common response is "we don't talk about him". I truly...