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Showing posts from January, 2025

It's One AM and I Can't Sleep

It's one AM and I can't sleep  Thoughts are racing, unquelled Anxiety finds solace in the words on a page By the moon and the lighting of a candle  And once my mind has been distracted enough I sink in the softness of cushions The burning of a wooden wick Attempting to send me into slumber The flickering whispers Guiding me to morning.

Feeling Like a Ping Pong Ball

 I've had a lot of conversations lately that swirl around what I pathetically describe as a "reckoning".  I have talked to a few people in my life surrounding having to reflect so much on my past and childhood racial issues - this reflection stemming from my parents divorce and accompanying shame of having a white father who didn't hold space for other parts of me (us). I have these constant thoughts of if my dad hadn't done the things he did, I wouldn't have had this figurative mirror placed in front of me. Maybe I wouldn't have to work through all of this now.  Discussing how exhausting it is to always be explaining myself and who I am because it doesn't fit the person's idea of me that they've prematurely constructed. Reiterating that I am Filipino, with a period, and that's the only thing I want to need to tell someone. Perpetually just wanting it to be enough. How I feel like the ball in a game of ping pong - being tossed around from e...