Coming Out of the Proverbial Shell

I have always envisioned writing a blog that people would be interested in reading. Wondering if my personal stories and experiences would be enough, if I could sound captivating online. I would always hold back, full of self doubt and discredit. Finally,  I have committed  to sharing  things about myself, in hopes that it reaches someone who needs to hear it. To be the person, and the article, that I didn’t have.


I wouldn’t describe my story or situation as unique or obscure. There have been movies as of late (like Crazy Rich Asians and Joy Ride) that portray the mixed-kid, not-white-enough-but-not-Asian-enough internal conflict. It seems it’s become something a little more relatable, and in these cases of media, something to represent.
However, despite weeping while being engaged in such films all the while appreciating that same representation - alas, a small void (or maybe it's larger than I think) is still left inside of me. 

There’s a place in there wishing I had someone going through the same things I am, that I could talk to. Not necessarily to commiserate with - but to lean against and support each other, knowing how much I (feel  I) need it. Someone to remind each other that we can break through the box and we don’t need to stay feeling stuck (in a way).


Recently, I’ve had these more urgent feelings of pushing back against the narrative I’ve followed. Remember that I did say this has come in waves, and this is far from the first time. 

Stemming from the very present/ongoing divorce of my parents, is a refreshed determination to more fully embrace my Filipino heritage and slowly remove myself from my Caucasian counterparts. This journey, I expect, will come with its own difficulties - but I’m eager to chronicle this new chapter. Hopefully with readers to come along for the ride.


I know Blogger perhaps isn't the most amazing, modern space for my writing - but I would like to test the waters before I go head first and rack up bills on a fancy blog site. Not in this economy. But hopefully this will suffice for now.


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