SAD

SAD feels like a deep aching in my chest 
Something lodged so far there's no pulling it out 
Even when I try to ease my figurative hand in
I can't reach it
No matter how hard or loud I cry 
It won't shake it, doesn't rattle it
Despite how tightly I wrap my arms around my ribcage 
It won't pop it out of place

I recall being a sunshine girl 
Such a different version of myself 
And I wonder where the hell she went
Where the sun went 
Why is it too easy 
To allow myself 
To leave 

Eventually the ache subsides but I know it's still in there
It comes back, in the darkness of the spaces my mind preoccupies 
I lay in bed grasping for warmth
Hoping the layers that I cover my head with 
Might save me, maybe this time 
But it always finds a way between the sheets

Sometimes I long for someone to pick up this weight 
If merely fleetingly 
Yet I ask myself 
If anyone could truly lift it 
Am I the cookie in the cup 
Soaked, when it falls apart 
Sinks to the bottom 
I'll just be left to float there 
Because why bother skimming for the soggy pieces

I know I can only salvage myself 

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