Speak Up

you’ll tell me to speak 

say it with my chest 

but everything comes out 

dripping foreign to you 

and you won’t hesitate to make it known 


you unleash this imposter in me 

still feeling like I’m on a tightrope 

at any time my foot will slip and I’ll plunge 

hit the rigid, arduous surface of inadequacy  

because deep down you’ll never see me 


I can see the constant questioning in your eyes 

it deepens with every syllable I whisper into the dark 

my voice choked by many hands that graze my soul 

but dare not venture further 

as if afraid to see what lies in wait there 


you’ll use pinay against me as much as to praise me 

a weapon of choice i have no armour to shield 

and I’ll admit defeat even if only to myself 

silent and with unbearable weight 

I’ll sleep with it like a blanket

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