A Little More Worth It

 This year has started off very strong, and I have felt overwhelmingly blessed by all the people in my life - all the friends I have and the people I have met. 


This weekend gave me an opportunity to be around so many individuals both new and long standing. I had many wonderful, deep conversations, and this is when I feel the most fulfilled. 

I am so grateful and overflowing with love. 


These deep conversations are what I think about now in bed, 48 hours later.

Topics spanning from race and immigration, to trauma, to family, and things in between. 

Incidentally, I started reading Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong.

I reached page 47, and read: 


“As the poet Prageeta Sharma said, Americans have an expiration date on race the way they do grief.” 


This sentence rolled around in my head, trying to untangle itself amongst the rest of my thoughts. 

I think I have felt, this almost exhaustion, about these types of conversations. 

Trying to explain racial experience with those who don’t relate and perhaps aren’t curious enough. 

Hearing Caucasian people say things like, “I’m more Filipino because such and such”, and internally screaming (because you will never be more Filipino than someone who is descended).

Continually put in a box, even inadvertently. 

An overarching feeling that the things I say don’t matter, coming from a place of perceived privilege. 



I cried at dinner, swapping narratives with someone I had just met. Probably not the most amazing first impression, a flurry of tears - but I realize the things that hurt the most, when I talk to someone who can be honest back. I can realize the things that are not yet healed. 

For a moment, I can feel like what I say can count, 

That the limitations placed by others don’t truly exist, 

That I can draw energy from my Filipino heritage and everything that comes with it. 


Because days like these,

Exchanges like these,

And people like this, 

Make the journey just a little better - a little easier - a little more worth it.


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